


Faceful of squirrel

by Direga



Series: Prompts [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adoribull - Freeform, Car Accidents, Cop!Bull, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:29:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4854719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Direga/pseuds/Direga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Original prompt by trashbien on Tumblr: Adoribull AU where Dorian leaves the roof of his car open all day and its like 2am and there is a squirrel inside and he drives into a pole cause it startles him. Cop Bull shows up and Dorian is like ‘would you PLEASE stop laughing, you are a cop you are supposed to HELP.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dorian kept walking up and the down the length of his car as he waited for the cops to arrive, thinking about how to explain the situation while being able to save face.

 _‘I could say that I fell asleep at the wheel’_ he thought, discarding the idea almost immediately. That would probably be put into his record, and he certainly didn’t want that after the several minor offenses he got over the years for driving slightly drunk.

 _‘What about an animal appeared in the middle of the road? That could work. And bonus points for being almost true and embarrassment free!’_ he decided, then, as he saw the police car approaching.

From the car exited the biggest Qunari he had ever seen. It was not uncommon to see Qunari police officers, but this one sure looked intimidating, and the eyepatch surely helped the image.

The cop eyed the accident with interest. He had driven it against a pole, and while the damage wasn’t severe, the heat exchanger was probably gone. Unfortunately, there was no way he could have it repaired at 2 am, meaning he would need a ride home, and the damage to the public property had to be filled in by the police.

“Officer Bull” the cop said, showing his badge while he looked Dorian from top to bottom, showing half a smile. _‘Great, this one thinks he is clever’_ Dorian thought, trying to keep his eyes focused on Bull’s face while he prepared to fill a form.

“So, Dorian right? You already gave your information through the phone, I’ll just need to know what happened and once the car is towed I can drop you by your home” he said.

“Alright” Dorian said, trying to focus on his cover up story. “I was going home, when I saw an animal right in the middle on my lane. I tried to dodge it but I ended up crashing into this pole”. He said, amazed how even his voice sounded.

Bull hummed and raised an eyebrow. “What kind of animal?” he asked. _‘Kaffas! I didn’t think that far.’_ “I d-don’t know… a rat!” he blurted out. Dorian wanted immediately to hit himself. _‘A rat?! You just told him you tried to dodge a rat?! Who dodges rats on the road? Good job Dorian, you sure know how to use your brain.’_

Bull smile widened. “Uh-huh. Riiiiight. Want to try again? And don’t try to lie, I can tell, believe me.” he said, crossing his arms and taking a step closer to him, showing that he wasn’t joking.

Dorian closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. “Alright, you win. I went to work in the library the whole day. Since it was hot when I commuted I might have opened the roof of my car”. Dorian said, trying to delay as much as possible having to tell the cause of the accident. Bull nodded, interested in the story so far.

“So, I might have forgotten to close it when I arrived there. Funny thing, when I looked up from my research it was almost 2 am, so I decided that it was probably time to go back home” Dorian continued, dreading what he was going to say next. Bull continued to look at him with a blank face, waiting for him to continue.

“I got in the car, closed the roof and started driving home, as usual.” he continued. “Then I saw something move by the passenger's seat head rest. When I looked to the side a… a sq...” Dorian couldn’t say it. He looked at Bull, begging silently for mercy with his eyes. “Go on” was his only reply.  
Inhaling deeply and looking away, he finally said in a single breath, barely over a whisper. “A squirrel jumped on my face and I panicked and I crashed into the pole and then I called the police.”

Dorian felt like his face was on fire. Glancing at Bull he saw that he had his eye open wide in surprise. A couple of seconds passed before Bull started laughing like a maniac, placing one hand on the car for support while the other hit his knee several times.

“Hey! Would you PLEASE stop laughing? You are a cop, you are supposed to help!” Dorian yelled at him, but to no avail. Dorian gave an exasperated sigh as he thought that he could die to be spared from this.

After a full minute of non-stop laughing, Bull was able to reply between chuckles as he shook his head “I am sorry, but that was the most incredible cause for an accident that I’ve ever heard”.

“Well, if you’re done laughing at me I’d like to be taken home as soon as possible. It is late” Dorian quipped as he cursed his luck. Bull repressed the last of his laughter and filled the forms required, shaking his head from time to time in amusement as the towing service came and took his car.

As Dorian approached Bull’s police car, he pointed his finger at him and said “Not a single word about this. Not. One.” Bull raised both his hands, saying only “I wouldn’t dream of it”.

Little did he know that once Bull had left him at his house, he called his partner Krem at the police station and retold the story, laughing all the way back.


	2. Lady Luck's Pet Squirrel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squirrel is back trying to avenge his lost nuts. It works way better than expected in Bull's point of view.

"Someone will pass by your home around two pm to give you the damage cost to the public property so you can notify your insurance company, is that alright?" Bull asked through the phone. The only immediate reply was a sigh.

He could have dealt with the insurance company directly, but he wanted to talk to Dorian one more time. He seemed an interesting kind of guy and he noticed some hints from him that he might actually be interested in getting to know him as well. Even if he was wrong, rustling his feathers seemed to be a good way of killing some time. So, an annoying insurance problem seemed like the perfect excuse.

"Fine. I'll deal with it. Just have them come by and I'll collect the papers." Dorian finally said with annoyance. "Is that all? Or will you keep me awake the whole morning?" he asked grumpily.

"No, no." Bull said, suppressing a chuckle. "It's hardly early but to each its own, I guess. Goodbye Mr. Pavus, have a nice weekend". And with that said he ended the call, smiling at his phone.

"Didn't know phones were that funny, chief." He heard Krem mention across the room with a sly grin.

"Just go write a report for Cadash or something" Bull replied, pocketing his phone and returning to work.

"I thought it was  _your_ job to report to the boss." He casually said. At the same time Cadash entered the room with the investigation team behind her.

"Who's going to report what to me?" she asked, eyeing them both.

"Nothing boss." They both replied immediately. Behind her, Varric just seemed amused while Cole seemed lost in thought looking through the window.

"Warm, like a stone in a summer's afternoon. Solid, able to crack the tough outside. Dark, able to remain hidden. Food stashed away. Red, blue, yellow. Thin lines like a straw of hay."

"WHAT?" they all asked in unison.

*

Soon, Bull headed to his car in the police station parking lot. His shift would be over soon, so he wanted to get there, "test the waters" and see where it went. It was perfect. Starting his car, he departed in direction of Dorian's address, not noticing the trail of nuts his car was leaving behind and the pair of tiny eyes looking at him from the gap under the hood.

Not long after, he arrived at Dorian's place. Stopping the car and heading to the entrance, he ringed the bell to Dorian's apartment and looked down the street as he waited. A few seconds later a voice asked through the intercom "Yes?".

"Police officer Bull, I am here for the insurance paper we talked about on the phone?"

"Oh it's you who came" he replied with a sigh, making Bull grin "right, come up. I'll be waiting" he added, followed with a buzz and the sound of the door unlocking.

Going up the stairs after noticing he would be too cramped on the small elevator, he entered Dorian's floor and noticed that his door was ajar. Opening it slowly as he knocked, he called "Mr. Dorian?"

"Yeah, just a second. I forgot my lunch on the toaster and it burned, the timer seems to be broken." he replied, some annoyance showing in his voice. The thought that Dorian was preparing his lunch on a toaster made him frown, but the fact it had burned helped him immensely. Dorian soon appeared from what he thought would be the kitchen, smelling lightly of burned food, and greeted him while he accepted the papers he had come to deliver.

"Thank you, _officer_ " he said, his tone clearly indicating that Dorian hadn't forgotten the way he had laughed at him the other night, pulling a chuckle from him.

"No problem. Say..." he added in an attempt to appear casual "You wouldn't be interested in having lunch somewhere, would you? My shift is about to end and it seems you had some... bad luck, with yours. My treat." he said, barely able to repress a laugh and opting for a smirk instead. Dorian looked at him like he had sprouted another set of horns.

"You can't be serious." he said, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Why not? A pretty guy like you deserves some company... unless you don't want to. That's fine too." Bull replied, smiling as Dorian blushed at the praise.

"That's... I..." Dorian seemed at a loss for words, and Bull made the mental note to praise him when he doesn't shut up. "This is crazy... A Qunari and a Tevinter, having lunch together. What my father would say... sure, why not? Give me a couple of minutes, you may wait in the living room." Dorian accepted, turning and gesturing towards a room before he walked on the other direction, shaking his head.

Bull mentally pat himself in the back for another job well done and waited. Dorian came about ten minutes later, and Maker wasn't he the prettiest thing he had ever laid eyes on. Kohl around his eyes, slightly gold dusted cheeks, clothes that showed the lines of his body... "Let's go? Or do you wish to remain there watching at me?" he heard Dorian say, bringing him to reality again.

"It's not always that one's definition of beauty gets questioned." he replied, smirking. Dorian rolled his eyes but Bull noticed how his lips curved slightly upwards. "Come on" Dorian told him, holding the door to close it after Bull.

Heading downstairs, they got into Bull's car and Bull tried to start it as he asked "Any place in mind?"

"Not really, how about some spicy food?" Dorian asked as Bull turned the key and the car remained silent. Bull frowned.

"Huh, sure. Tevinter or Par Vollen style?" he questioned as he tried to turn the key again again.

"I've never tried Par Vollen style." Dorian answered as the car was still silent. "Don't tell me your car is dead... My car is still being repaired!"

Bull shrugged and exited the car, after unlocking the hood, saying "I'm going to check what the problem is real fast, I may be able to repair it".

"Oh for the love of..." he heard Dorian say as he exited the car as well, standing next to him as he opened the hood. What Dorian saw next happened so fast he didn't have time to process it. A little silver fur ball jumped out at him, hitting him in the face and making Dorian take a couple steps back, only to hit the elevated sidewalk, tripping and falling on his ass. The little creature took the opportunity to jump at Bull as Dorian tried to catch it, with no luck. Climbing to Bull's head, he ran across his expansive horns before jumping and running down the street.

"What is the deal with you and squirrels? Every time I see you, I get attacked by one!" Dorian yelled as he stood and Bull started laughing when he looked at him. "WHAT?" Dorian added, frustrated.

"I think you might want to redo your kohl. You might have smudged it while trying to get the squirrel off your face." Bull replied, still laughing at the whole situation. "It appears that it also ate through some of the wiring of the car. Wait... are those nuts?" he asked, reaching out into the car and pulling one nut out.

Dorian was still for a second, only to laugh a second later as well "I guess we have a thing with squirrels now. That's probably your karma for laughing at me the other night". Dorian said, and Bull couldn't stop himself from thinking that perhaps he was right, and that it was a bit too much of a coincidence. Maybe it was fate, but it seemed strange that a squirrel of all things would break his car in from of this guy's apartment. Not that he was complaining.

"Well, how about I make us lunch at your place? I'll call someone from the station to get me afterwards." Bull suggested, closing the hood of the car. Dorian seemed to think about it for a second.

"I should have some stuff that you could use, if you can cook. There is a convenience store nearby if you need anything that I've missing." Dorian said, and then added in a lower volume "And if you have some time after you could stay".

Bull smiled and nodded, following Dorian back up the apartment building. He should be cursing the damn squirrel for breaking his car, but then again he might have gained something far better in return, getting asked to stay sure was a good indication. He was sure Krem would laugh the whole day next time he told him he got winged by a squirrel, however.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've no idea how damage to public property is handled, but I wanted Bull to use an excuse and that popped out at me.  
> For a fic status update you can check this [tumblr post](http://sabexbem.tumblr.com/post/130951766845/status-update).


End file.
